I remember after my oldest daughter was born, my mom told me how important it was to carve out time to make sure I stay connected to my husband. That she remembered how her and my dad were like ships passing in the night when they had young kids. I didn’t really get it at the time, what did she mean? They seriously couldn’t find time to talk to one another? They couldn’t fit in regular daily interactions? At the time it sounded absurd, but now… now I realize that kids will take up every second of your life, if you allow it.
My husband and I have been married for 12 years, we have three kids, ages 8, 6 and 1, a home-based business (mine) and a full-time job (his). Life is very full and it’s not an understatement when I say that it can be several days before I remember to tell my husband things like “I saw water coming up the drain pipe in the basement”. Thank goodness for a shared calendar and texting so our house doesn’t float away!
But with little babes running all over the house, how could we make sure that we still connect in a meaningful way?
The answer was date night. We had been told time and time again that date night was a great way for us to make sure we found time to connect and prioritize each other. But it wasn’t actually that simple.
Date Night In
Date nights take commitment, planning, and money! We tried date nights about five years ago, but it just turned into us watching West Wing together and we didn’t actually get to emotionally connect. Plus, once we made it through all 7 seasons, we had a hard time finding something else to watch together, so date night kind of fizzled out.
Eventually I got really adamant about date night. I knew the importance of date night and I had heard it recommended on enough podcasts that I finally just decided we were going to make it happen on a weekly basis.
And so, being the budgeting mama that I am, I decided to give Date Night its very own line in our budget… and it worked!
Budget for Date Night
It was like we had found the golden egg of marriage. Adding date night to our budget has made a world of difference in our consistency with dating each other. Date night never really stuck until I actually took the time to prioritize it and put it in the budget. There was a period of time when we only stayed at home together for date night because we didn’t feel like we could afford to spend the money on a babysitter and going out together. But now, by actually working it into our budget, we know that we have the funds set aside to cover the expense of a meal and a babysitter!
Do we go out for a nice dinner every week? No. But we do set aside money so that we can go on 1–2 dates each month and then spend the other two dates at home snuggled up with a movie… and some cookies!
Date Night Ideas for Married Couples
Here are a few of our favorite date night ideas that we enjoy (besides just going out to dinner or staying home to watch a movie – but we definitely do those too!):
Going Out to Breakfast
Date night doesn’t have to be at night! If your kids are school-aged, you can even skip the babysitter! We discovered this one morning after getting some work done on our car. The kids were in school and on a whim we went out to a late breakfast. We had SUCH a good time! It was a really fun way to switch up date night.
Playing Legos
Yes, for real. Legos are super fun. It’s actually something we really enjoy doing together. Now when I say “playing” I really mean “building”, we’re not actually pretending anything with the legos. But it’s a wonderful way to get creative and enjoy each others company. I like to build practical things that we can use in our house. Like cool-looking box for our keys that sits by the back door. But build whatever you feel like! Have fun!!
Playing Games at a Local Geek Lounge
Our town has a place with a huge library of fun board games that you can go and play. It’s a great way to try out games without having to commit to buying them. They also have snacks and drinks, so you can enjoy a glass of wine and some cookies (did I mention I like cookies?!).
Window Shopping at Home Depot
We just bought our house last year, so we spend a lot of time at Home Depot, but it’s usually with our children. Getting to go wander around a home improvement store without whining children and daydream with my husband is my idea of a sexy date night.
It turns out my mom’s advice made perfect sense. And I am always grateful that we have money waiting for us when date night rolls around.
By evaluating your values and priorities, you can decide which areas of your life you want to invest money into and where you can cut back on. Once we started to prioritize our relationship, we were able to give ourselves the freedom to add date night to our budget.
I often hear people say, “I can’t afford that.” But what they’re really saying is, “I don’t want to prioritize that.” If you are ready to prioritize your marriage, put that line item in your budget, mama. If you need help getting started with a budget, I’ve put together a free starter kit for you here.